


A Longing

by WardenSabrae



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Longing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:27:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22259443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WardenSabrae/pseuds/WardenSabrae
Summary: “Amatus?” Dorian’s voice comes through a moment later, and Cyrus has to cover his mouth to stifle a sudden harsh breath. The crystal bounces down against his chest as he exhales slowly, trying to compose himself enough to reply. “Hello? Kaffas, this blasted crystal better not be breaking.. Amatus, are you there?”“I’m here, Dorian.” Cyrus says, quickly picking the crystal back up and staring down at it with a soft, longing smile. “I just wanted to check in with you, make sure everything’s okay on your end..”
Relationships: Dorian Pavus/Male Trevelyan, Male Inquisitor/Dorian Pavus
Kudos: 67
Collections: Dragon Age Den fic collection





	A Longing

* * *

  
There was once a time in Cyrus’s life that he thought something that was missing couldn’t possibly hurt, and as usual, fate had proven him wrong. He'd also thought that he was coping well with everything, at first..

He could live without his arm; countless others before him had adjusted to the loss of a limb and surely he could do the same. The aches and phantom pains left behind were nothing that a trip to a healer couldn’t sooth, as long as the weather wasn’t too cold or rainy, and there was something about losing the Anchor that was as comforting as it was terrifying.

He could also deal with no longer being known as the Inquisitor; the scuffle with the Qunari and then with Solas had proven that not everyone under his command was loyal, not to him at least, and if he was going to find and redeem his friend then he needed to trust those around him.

He could even understand why Dorian was gone. Cyrus wasn’t angry, but rather proud to see the man that he loved so deeply standing by his personal goal of changing his homeland for the better, even if it took them even further apart than they’d already been.

But each of those things already had a sting to it. All together it’s become even worse with each passing day, and as he feels that daily ache in his chest and in a forearm that was no longer there, Cyrus wondered how the others who came before him managed to do it all.

Warden-Commander Mahariel has lost her clan, her family, and the only world she’d ever known in the same day, and she still managed to defeat the Fifth Blight before it could truly damage the world within a year.

Hawke had lost his parents, then his brother, and sacrificed so much of his own life and time to help others, all within a few short years, only to stand stronger than ever beside the mages when the events of Kirkwall shook the world.

History would remember their sacrifices and their victories, everything they’d done with their own willpower and a minuscule collection of strangers they’d collected along the way, just as history would remember him. 

But what would they remember? 

Would they recall the man who defied everything to close the Breach and save as much of Thedas as he could against a self-proclaimed god, or would they only remember him as what he was now: a tired, crippled mage with no real power left and next to no one left standing beside him? 

He didn’t resent the absence of his companions, even if he did miss their company terribly. They all had their own battles to fight, their own goals to achieve, and Cyrus had been accepting of that fact for months now as each of them finally left him.

But not every night was easy to cope with, like tonight, and Cyrus wants nothing more than to have his friends beside him again. 

With them as his side, he felt like anything was possible. With them, Cyrus believed that he could be something more than a quick tryst for someone back at the Circle, or the shame of a renowned family that wanted nothing to do with him beyond his former title. With his Inner Circle he had respect, friendship, and a love of an amazing man, all things he thought he’d never have in his life. And now he’d nearly lost all of it.

The thought of said man sends another pang of longing through his chest, and Cyrus reaches his remaining hand up towards his throat, grasping the thin chain of his necklace and tracing his fingers down to the long sending crystal hanging from it. He grips it lightly before raising it to his lips and releasing a shaky breath.

‘You are the man I love, amatus. Nothing will truly keep us apart.’

“Dorian..” Cyrus finally whispers, and for a moment it feels a little foolish. It had been nearly two weeks since they’d last spoken, both of them too bogged down by the weight of their duties and struggles, but he wants to hear Dorian right now. He needs to hear him, and so he clears his throat and strengthens his voice. “Dorian, can you hear me?”

For a moment there’s no reply, and Cyrus almost tucks the crystal back into his shirt with a resigned sigh before the crystal’s light suddenly brightens, and in that instant so does his mood.

“Amatus?” Dorian’s voice comes through a moment later, and Cyrus has to cover his mouth to stifle a sudden harsh breath. The crystal bounces down against his chest as he exhales slowly, trying to compose himself enough to reply. “Hello? Kaffas, this blasted crystal better not be breaking.. Amatus, are you there?”

“I’m here, Dorian.” Cyrus says, quickly picking the crystal back up and staring down at it with a soft, longing smile. “I just wanted to check in with you, make sure everything’s okay on your end..”

“Things are as well in the Imperium as they ever are on a good day,” Dorian replies with a soft huff, and his lover’s familiar, discontented noise makes Cyrus smile again. “As expected our progress here is a little slow but thankfully steady, and our support’s nearly doubled since we last spoke. However, if it’s all the same to you, it’s been a long day and I’d rather not talk about the Imperium right now.”

As much as Cyrus truly cared about Dorian’s work in Tevinter, right now that particular feeling was mutual.

“It’s been some time since I’ve heard from you, Cyrus.” Dorian continues, but Cyrus hears no anger in the other’s man’s tone, only humor and a touch of relief. “I hope nothing’s wrong, and that you’ve simply given in to the temptation of hearing this illustrious voice of mine once more.”

“Nothing’s wrong, love.” Cyrus replies, gently rubbing his thumb over the crystal as another pang of longing flares up in his chest. “I just.. I just wanted to hear your voice again..”

“Amatus?” Dorian presses again, his tone so gentle and familiar that Cyrus feels a faint prickle of tears in his eyes. “Cyrus.. Is there something you want to tell me?”

_I need you. I miss you. I’m alone here. My arm is gone and it still hurts. Everyone’s gone and it hurts. I might have to wage war against my friend. My family still hates me. I don’t know what to do. My father’s dying and he won’t even see me. I want you here with me. I don’t know who I can trust anymore. I miss you so much it aches. Everything’s falling apart. I feel alone and I never wanted to be alone again._

"Cyrus?"

_I need you. Andraste’s damned ashes, I need you to be here with me Dorian. Please, please come back and take this pain away from me. Dorian, please.._

_Help me, Dorian._

“No,” Cyrus lies, managing to keep his voice steady with a false smile that he almost wishes Dorian could see, if it just meant that the love of his life would be standing in front of him once more. “I’m fine, love. Everything’s fine.”

_Please, help me.._

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Finally posting some older fics from my tumblr. Also if you have read this on my tumblr, I scrapped my old Trevelyan and replaced him with this new character.


End file.
